OK, I admit I'm jealous. Don't get me wrong; we have some great holidays in the US. The Fourth of July can be pretty spectacular, even though you can't touch off your own fireworks around here. Heck, what with all the terrorist fighting, it's a risk to make our own fireworks anymore.

This Guy Fawkes Day sounds much better. I do love a good bonfire. You don't get those over here, except on the beach and at pre-game pep rallies. That means I don't get them at all. Sure, I've got a grill and a fireplace, but that's not as thrilling as the big flames of a bonfire. I suppose I could build my own, but that's a lot of work for one person. Besides, there's probably a permit needed these over regulated days.

Beyond the lovely fires, the idea of burning effigies sounds like fun. Dragging a dummy Pope through the streets and flinging it into the flames, probably won't go over here, and I have strong suspicions no one knows who Guy Fawkes was. So, when I write my Government representatives about adopting this holiday in the States, I'm going to change a few things.

Of course, we'll keep the bonfires. That's a given. Although, in some of our drier regions, they may have to be contained. Also, in our more liberal areas, clean burning hydrogen may have to be substituted for wood. Since November fifth is so close to our elections, we can us effigies of political candidates instead of Guy and the Pope. Not only would this be more popular, but more people might even learn who's running for office. It could even be a boost to our economy.
Really, who's going to want a homemade Hillary effigies, if you can buy a well made commercial dummy? Maybe even one with a speaker thing so it says quotes from the politician's speeches? This being America, walking around dragging a dummy, probably isn't going to cut it. So, we'll drag ours around in the back of pickup trucks or convertibles.

While my version may be more expensive, the cost could be covered by selling advertising. There's lots of space on a truck to stick on signs; just look at NASCAR. And what company wouldn't want to be associated with the symbolic immolation of a politician who stuck it to them with some stupid law? Oh, and don't forget all the special interest groups. Most of them will probably be happy to kick in a few bucks to sponsor the combustion of the right candidate.

That just leaves picking a name. Obviously, we'll have to call it something besides Guy Fawkes Day. Cremate a Civil Servant Day is too long. Thanksgiving is already taken. Well, I'm stuck. Any ideas?

the Grit